It’s a quiet evening except for the soft hum of bedtime stories with your children filling the air. You’ve recently decided to become a gestational surrogate for another family, and your belly is growing. Your children don’t understand what’s happening, and you know you have to explain it to them with patience and compassion.
After you introduce the topic, your children, eyes wide with curiosity, ask for more information. Their questions fill the air and your head spins. As you contemplate how to explain the intricacies of surrogacy, a journey begins — one that balances openness, honesty, and love.
Why Discuss Surrogacy with Your Children?
For some kids, grasping the concept of surrogacy might be as challenging as solving a puzzle. A smart rule of thumb is to start by acknowledging that families come in many shapes and sizes. Welcome their questions with openness and positivity. It’s essential to create an environment where questions are welcome and understanding is nurtured.
Explaining Gestational Surrogacy to Young Minds
If you’re wondering, “How do I explain this to my children?” You’re not alone. The decision to become a surrogate isn’t just about you; it’s a choice that produces ripple effects through your family. How can you ensure your children comprehend the ‘why’ and feel secure with all of the changes?
Use the below script as a guide if your children ask any of these questions:
Why are you choosing to be a gestational surrogate?
Your child may wonder why Mom is helping another family. Frame it as a unique opportunity to be extraordinarily kind. Simplify it by saying: “Mom is helping another family have a baby because not everyone can have one easily.”
Is the baby in your belly my brother or sister?
Gently explain: “The baby growing in my belly is a special baby, but it’s not your brother or sister in the way you might think. You see, the baby’s family gave me a tiny, special seed, and I’m helping it grow until it’s ready to join their family. So, while the baby will be someone else’s brother or sister, you get to be a special friend and helper during this exciting time!”
Why can’t the baby’s actual mommy just grow the baby in her own belly?
This response requires grace and compassion: “Sometimes, a person might need a little help to have a baby. Mom is like a superhero who helps by keeping the baby safe until it’s ready to meet its family.”
Why don’t we get to keep the baby after it comes out of your belly?
Emphasize the joy of giving: “We’re helping the baby find its forever family. Our family is a special part of their story, and we get to share in the happiness of helping others.”
What should I tell the other kids at school about my mom being a gestational surrogate?
Respond by saying: “You can share that your mom is helping another family have a baby by carrying it for them. It’s like being a superhero who helps families grow. If they have more questions, you can let them know it’s a way to spread kindness and love.”
Is this going to make our family different?
Address the changes with reassurance: “Our family is going to grow in a special way, and it might look a bit different for a while. But the love we have for each other will always stay strong.”
Handling Unexpected Questions
Children are naturally curious, and they may have questions beyond these. Be ready to provide simple, honest answers. If a child asks, “Why doesn’t the baby’s mommy have a belly?” you might say, “Everyone’s body is different. Some mommies need extra help to grow a baby, and that’s okay.”
Conclude by affirming the love within your family: “Our family is built on love, understanding, and helping each other. No matter how a family grows, our love for each other will always be the strongest force.”
Ensure that your child understands the experience in a positive way, fostering empathy and compassion. The goal is to make it clear that the family is embarking on this journey together, creating a beautiful tapestry of love and understanding.
Surrogacy and Egg Donor Services
Since 2004, The Fertility Agency has helped bring over 1100+ babies into the world. We work with all intended parents, surrogates, and egg donors no matter their sexual preference, relationship status, ethnicity, location, etc. Our personal experiences and years of expertise provide us with the perfect balance of business and passion. Contact us for more information.