INTRO
These days, it seems like everyone is an expert on something. All you have to do is look on social media and you can find an influencer or ‘know-it-all’ ready to go on and on about something. Or nothing. And because of this, there are lots of myths floating around on the internet about surrogacy.
At the risk of sounding like one of those ‘know-it-alls’, we’re going to take a stab at debunking some of those myths. 😂 😉
COMMON MYTHS ABOUT SURROGACY
MYTH #1: Women are giving away their babies.
This is NOT true. For a surrogate, the baby she is carrying was never HER baby, so she’s not giving her baby away. It’s best to think of it more like babysitting. The surrogate (or gestational carrier) is growing the baby for the ‘intended’ parents (the ones who have enlisted the services of the surrogate).
With advancements like IVF and gestational surrogacy, the legal and biological connections have shifted. In gestational surrogacy, the carrier is not biologically related to the baby, and legally, the intended parents are recognized as the child’s parents from the very beginning.
MYTH #2: Adoption is so much easier.
This is a very common misconception (and is often said to intended parents by well-meaning friends and/or relatives). The idea that “there are so many children/babies ready to adopt” or that it is somehow easier and less expensive for a childless couple or single people to adopt a baby is just not true.
People who think this forget that single parents or same-sex couples have a much harder time getting approved for adoption. In many cases, potential adoptive parents end up vying against each other in what can be uncomfortable competitions where the birth mother gets to decide who the baby should go to. In some countries, it is not even legal for same-sex, single, or older people to adopt. There is also a shortage of healthy newborns. While many people may be willing to take on the challenges of adopting older children or ones with medical or other issues, not everyone is in a position to do so.
Adoption also can come with a lot of heartache as birth mothers or birth fathers may change their minds near and after birth (and even after placement with the adoptive parent/s). So, for those people looking to raise a baby from infancy, adoption can be a harder process. Additionally, if the birth mother changes her mind, there is no refund for the money the adoptive parents have spent (on things for the birth mother, on the legal process, etc). So now, not only is the baby they thought would be theirs not going to be but whatever money they spent (often over $50K+) is lost. Because of this, adoption carries an emotional and financial risk for the adoptive parents. With surrogacy, the baby is legally the intended parents even before the surrogate is pregnant, and the surrogate cannot (nor does she want) keep the baby.
Adoption is a fantastic option, but it’s not always the best option for everyone. That’s why surrogacy can be the right course to parenthood for many.
MYTH #3: Surrogates have a hard time giving up the baby.
It’s true, lots of women cannot imagine carrying a baby for 9+ months and giving it up – even if she has no biological connection to it. These women do not step up to become surrogates. But there are some exceptional women out there who can do this, knowing they are carrying a child for someone unable to do it themselves.
As noted, we only work with gestational surrogates, so the surrogate’s eggs are not used, and there is no genetic tie to the newborn.
MYTH #4: Surrogates do it for the money.
While surrogacy is a very expensive process for intended parents and yes, the surrogate does earn a good amount of money for what she is doing, this myth is just not true. All you have to do is ask a surrogate (or many) why she became a surrogate for the real answer. They desire to help others which draws them to surrogacy in the first place, as well as their love of parenting and the heartache they know people must go through who cannot have a baby without help. The money is a nice bonus, but it can never be the main reason a woman decides to become a surrogate.
It is hard to put a price on bringing life into the world. And when it comes down to it, the truth is, no amount is enough for what a surrogate is doing. Pregnancy and childbirth always come with associated risks and a surrogate is taking those risks with each journey. So, there has to be a bigger motivator than money. Yes, there are agreed-upon fees, but the desire to be a surrogate goes well beyond whatever money she is receiving.
MYTH #5: Surrogates never see the baby again.
Most surrogates (at least OUR surrogates!) do see the baby again after delivery! They often create such a close friendship with their intended parents that they keep in touch throughout the child’s life. What that arrangement looks like is completely up to the surrogate and the intended parents.
MYTH #6: Donor-conceived children and/or surrogacy-conceived children grow up with psychological issues because of the way they were conceived.
Multiple studies, such as one conducted by Cornell University, have shown this is false.
Both donor-conceived and surrogacy-conceived children grow up normally with no major differences between them and “naturally” conceived children. The biggest factor for the children is transparency and their parents’ comfort with how their children were conceived. These children know they were so wanted that their parents had to go to extremes to have them.
CONCLUSION
Most common myths about surrogacy are based on a lack of accurate information.
Surrogacy is an amazing process that helps intended parents worldwide create or complete their families. <3
